I did some changes to my blog, deleted some posts here and there. And together with those posts, I effaced away the pain which was beleaguering me. I came out of it a much stronger person than I surmise I would be. I guess it is true when they say, "What won't kills you, will only makes you stronger."
So, did I become stronger because I have learnt from my experiences? Or have the pain anaesthetised my senses, froze my heart and made me colder? Maybe it was both... Still it is a good thing that I am finally able to let go of the desolation I was feeling. Becoming immunised to heartaches or not, I did come out of this a much stronger person.
Sunday, December 26, 2004
Saturday, December 11, 2004
A breather...
It has been two months since I last touched my blog. My work took me away from more than I can bargain for. Two months flew past like it was just yesterday. Oh yes, I managed to squeeze in an off day today, so I just want to sleep myself silly and throw in some time to do my favourite writing (or typing for that matter).
Sunday, October 03, 2004
Quiet night, lonely me...
On nights like this, loneliness calls upon me. Not even glasses of red wine can lay the greatly perturbed me to sleep.
If I breathe a little bit harder, could all this fresh air of the night clears my troubled mind? Could it actually clears my troubled soul? If I hold my breath a little bit harder, would I actually stop breathing? If... I love a little bit harder, would I actually stop hurting?
What's this despondency gnawing at me? Ramblings of an alcohol-influenced me. Oh, ignore me...
If I breathe a little bit harder, could all this fresh air of the night clears my troubled mind? Could it actually clears my troubled soul? If I hold my breath a little bit harder, would I actually stop breathing? If... I love a little bit harder, would I actually stop hurting?
What's this despondency gnawing at me? Ramblings of an alcohol-influenced me. Oh, ignore me...
Sunday, September 19, 2004
Singing Sunday Morning...
It is a beautiful Sunday morning today. A day this charming, not even my earlier nightmarish episode can spoilt. I put on Maroon 5's CD, and chose their "Sunday Morning" to start off this wonderful day. A cheery song to make this day a whole lot more delightful...
Tears, I refused...
"6.46AM" the time on my laptop showed. Woken up by a nightmare, I felt too perturbed to go back to dreamland, especially when it was having fun tormenting me just awhile ago.
All I want to do is to be happy. I put my troubles aside and tried my best to get on with my life. I don't want to spend my time languishing for something I could never have. I'm dealing with it very well I must say, except when nightmares dropped in on me during those quiet nights that is.
Maybe it's my Hyde who was beleaguering me. Maybe it's my guilt and conscience which had descried me. My nightmares plagued me about the wrong choices I had made. My nightmares revealed the consequences which I dreaded. My nightmares betrayed the pain that I'm feeling. My consciousness and sub-consciousness ganging up on me, tearing my wound apart, in all full bloody gory for me to see.
They all danced around me, taunting me, trying to make me cry the tears I refused to shed. And I still refuse to. I refuse to breakdown and cry, and show the pain that I bear.
I refuse to, because I'm stronger than they think.
All I want to do is to be happy. I put my troubles aside and tried my best to get on with my life. I don't want to spend my time languishing for something I could never have. I'm dealing with it very well I must say, except when nightmares dropped in on me during those quiet nights that is.
Maybe it's my Hyde who was beleaguering me. Maybe it's my guilt and conscience which had descried me. My nightmares plagued me about the wrong choices I had made. My nightmares revealed the consequences which I dreaded. My nightmares betrayed the pain that I'm feeling. My consciousness and sub-consciousness ganging up on me, tearing my wound apart, in all full bloody gory for me to see.
They all danced around me, taunting me, trying to make me cry the tears I refused to shed. And I still refuse to. I refuse to breakdown and cry, and show the pain that I bear.
I refuse to, because I'm stronger than they think.
Wednesday, September 15, 2004
Not quite the naked truth...
Maybe I'm not writing/typing as much as I loved to, but sometimes it's just hard to do it when I'm not inspired to do so. I have no literary talents. So without inspiration, I'm just a blank page. Of course, not that the things I wrote are any good, but like I said before, they are very me.
I preferred to compose things which I really have feelings for. My posts tell stuffs which are, well, just me. They are bits and pieces about how I feel, my thoughts, my life, my love, my happiness, my sadness... Everything about who I am.
Call me diffident, but I don't really like to blatantly spell out my personal life in all naked truths, which is why I write my posts the way I did in "To: The Amnestic Me..." But there are times when things get rough and I really need a personal space to vent and maybe delete it later when I realised it's too baring. And so this blog was borne...
I preferred to compose things which I really have feelings for. My posts tell stuffs which are, well, just me. They are bits and pieces about how I feel, my thoughts, my life, my love, my happiness, my sadness... Everything about who I am.
Call me diffident, but I don't really like to blatantly spell out my personal life in all naked truths, which is why I write my posts the way I did in "To: The Amnestic Me..." But there are times when things get rough and I really need a personal space to vent and maybe delete it later when I realised it's too baring. And so this blog was borne...
Thursday, September 09, 2004
Another amnestic me...
So, I'm earmarking my other blog - "To: The Amnestic Me..." for all the weird and insipid stuff which I love to write about. And this blog, for the occasional maunderings I like to pour out. I love to write. I penned lots of stuff which are probably moonshine to others. Still, they are very me...
And from my posts on my other blog, you will probably figure out a bit of me. Love the rains. Love night time. Love to laze around. Can't resist jazz. Kind of idiosyncratic. Sort of a fantasist. And... You ascertain the rest from my past and future posts.
And from my posts on my other blog, you will probably figure out a bit of me. Love the rains. Love night time. Love to laze around. Can't resist jazz. Kind of idiosyncratic. Sort of a fantasist. And... You ascertain the rest from my past and future posts.
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